My Philosophy on Relationships.

Especially in the collegiate season of life, I find more than ever that many of my peers seem to be seeking their “MR” and “MRS” degrees, as often joked. I.e., most people are bent on finding Mr. Right and Mrs. Right.

It drives me absolutely insane.

I feel such pressure to be in a relationship and to ‘like’ somebody, as if it would somehow fulfill me and validate me. Which is absolutely ludicrous.

This has been a very prevalent topic on my heart lately. As I’ve sought out God’s heart on this subject, this is the wisdom I’ve drawn:

A majority of relationships today are self-seeking. You aren’t usually drawn to a person because you want to serve and bless them. You are drawn to someone and how that someone makes you feel. You are drawn to a person who makes you feel good enough, strong enough, handsome/beautiful enough, able. Someone who inspires you. Nothing is wrong with that, but it is wrong that people enter relationships solely on the premise that it will validate who they are by dating this ‘someone,’ that it will fulfill the longing ache for authentic love. We wonder why the divorce rate is so high and why domestic violence abounds; why don’t we look at the HEART of the matter? It’s because very few are in relationships for pure reasons. It’s because we live in a society of instant-gratification that offers no long-term fulfillment.

We have an innate desire for relationship; it’s how God created us, to be in a magnificent relationship with Him. We have no perception of that quite often, and rather flounder about seeking that understanding and connectivity. From relationship to relationship to relationship, people are seeking that unattainable feeling, that elusive person. We approach it all wrong.

1. Find your validity and identity in a beautiful, thriving, personal relationship with God.

2. Be the type of person your ideal ‘someone’ would be attracted to.

You can’t expect to win over the man/lady of your dreams in you don’t first reassess yourself first. Are you the type of person that dreamboat would be attracted to as well? Do you even know what qualities you are seeking in another? Personally, I want someone who is patient enough to pursue me. Someone who will fight for the opportunity to be let into my precious, guarded heart. Someone who challenges me to be a better person. Someone with a servant’s heart; a man who always puts others above himself, who is humble, compassionate, and has a love that makes me constantly revaluate my own love. A man grounded and confident only in God. I want to have a relationship with a man who draws me closer to God---a man who is so in tune with our incredible Father that I literally thirst for the holy presence of my God whenever I’m with this man. A man who holds me accountable and challenges me to dream bigger, trust more and love more. A chivalrous man who gives me such respect and adoration that I am humbled by his pure intent and protection over me and my purity. A man who puts my personal joy and wellbeing above his own. A devoted man who is captivated not only by my aesthetic beauty, but my soulish beauty as well. I WILL NOT ‘DATE’ A GUY UNLESS HE IS EVERY OUNCE OF WHAT I JUST TYPED. I will only even think of dating a guy if he is more interested in God than he is in me. I want to not hold a flame to his love and devotion for God. I will settle for nothing less.

Now, in turn, am I the type of lady who will attract this type of fellow I desire?

That’s a hard question to pose. I ponder it daily.

You see, when we’re completely immersed in God’s love, we do not need to search any longer for that elusive ‘someone’ or ‘thing.’ You’re content, you’re fulfilled. So what does an earthly relationship matter? Only when God has consumed your life, your thoughts, and your desired can you ever successfully maintain any other thriving relationship.

There’s a quote that states, “A girl should be so lost in God that a guy must seek Him to find her.” I want to be so FOUND in God that a guy has to seek Him to find me. My dad, an amazing man of God who is an incredible blessing to me, always tells me that the more you have in common with someone, the more money you have in the ‘bank.’ Though opposites may attract, they don’t always last. The more your share in common with someone, the better off your relationship will be, especially in reference to your belief system and future dreams/plans/enthusiasms. I want to have a relationship with someone who I can confidently and lovingly call my best friend as well, someone who is grounded and fulfilled in God alone as I am.

I want God to be proud of me and my love story.

One of the best aspects of this whole idea is that it’s alright and even expected that we’ll make mistakes, we’ll screw up. But what’s truly lovely is that God redeems and restores EVERYTHING to be made new when we ask for it. Sure, I’ve made huge relationship mistakes in my past. I’ve learned though, and gained all of this insight from it.

It’s only when we’re passionately abandoned to the true Lover of our souls that we can ever safely trust another with our hearts. Finding the ‘right one’ takes patience, for God’s time frame isn’t like ours. We screw it all up when we think we’re in control, but it’s really only when God is leading our relationships that they are authentically vibrant and blessed. I want to be so SURE of the guy I marry, that he is indeed the man God has called me to, that it is blatantly EVIDENT that we were meant for one another. Through much prayer and assured confirmation, I will pursue a relationship eventually, whenever God has planned. I want a relationship that others admire, like “wow, they LOVE EACH OTHER so truly and passionately. They’re actually JOYFUL when they’re together. What is so different about them and their love?” I want a relationship that I can rest peacefully in, in which we never stop appreciating one another and how special and rare our relationship is.

This is just my philosophy on relationships for myself, and I most assuredly respect all of you who have different theories! This is just my take on it.

In conclusion…I will wait for my beloved.