This past year
has taught me more about trusting Jesus than nearly any other year of my life.
During my senior
year of college, I applied for grants and other opportunities to
return to Germany, I researched various grad programs and started applications
that I never felt a peace to finish, and then I applied for about thirty jobs
in Nashville. I graduated, lost my grandmother to cancer, and found
myself unemployed, with rejections from every job I applied for.
I can’t recall a time when I’ve felt more utterly out of cards.
I had absolutely
no clarity on what move to make next or where God was drawing me, but for the
first time since I can recall, I didn’t have a stack of back-up plans. He drew me to a place, a wilderness where my only
hope was total dependence on Him, and I had to confront every trust issue that
was holding me back from doing so.
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
I will bring
her into the wilderness,
and speak comfort to her. I will give
her her vineyards from there,
and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;
She
shall sing there,
as in the days of her youth,
as in the day when she came up
from the land of Egypt.” (Hosea 2:14-15)
What a beautiful and kind heart our Father has,
yeah? His heartbeat is to give us LIFE, to make us WHOLE and He has resurrected
that pulse in my spirit time and time again. He has astonished me continually
over this past year with His providence, so strategic and abundant. With a
quiet awe, I have been marveling at His heart for “and suddenly” moments.
I was out of cards a year ago and sat on my floor
with a feeble prayer to be strategically positioned as I read through “The
Circle Maker” by Mark Batterson (the best book on prayer I’ve ever read,
seriously go buy it). Something
astonishes when you’re out of cards- you’re given a space that you can pray
God’s miracles and presence into.
You’re given the chance to see Father God come through for you with His
unfailing love.
And suddenly, after months- I was given not one
but TWO job offers for positions I didn’t even technically apply for, no doubt
the fingerprint of a Father who does what only He can do for His children.
2014 especially has been such a year of “and
suddenly” moments thus far, and I had no idea how desperately I needed these
breaths of heaven. I don’t know
about your story, but the past few years have been challenging for me. They’ve
taken a lot of my fight. And when you feel out of cards, it’s easy to want to
numb or escape than to face the fear, face the voids. As Christa Black recently wrote though, our typical efforts
to escape or numb pain don’t fix, don’t mend, don’t heal. And if anything, our warrior-hearted
Father is ferocious in His pursuit to heal us and make us whole. Jesus didn’t
conquer death to simply forgive us, but to make us victorious, and that’s what
we must claim every time the odds don’t appear to be in our favor. Who cares
about odds anyway when all of heaven is on your side?
I’ve just been swooning in God’s kindness lately
and I have to share it. The other
day I went to see the Divergent movie, and towards the end there’s a scene
in which Tris, the main character, is running through streets of warfare. Her mom is shot as they are running
through streets of gunfire, but Tris has to force herself to keep running to
safety. She’s already endured a brutal season as it is. She finally reaches a
warehouse after running through the attacks, and she pauses once inside the
door, overcome with emotion. I
felt this overwhelming gentleness from the Holy Spirit, and it was as if God
whispered, “Why are you so hard on yourself after seasons of warfare? I
certainly am not.” I think many of
us, over the past few years, have experienced varied degrees of trying times.
It’s easy to beat yourself up for mistakes you’ve made or losses you’ve
suffered along the way, but what good does that do? Jesus isn’t interested in shame. Jesus is passionate about
making our Valleys of Achor into Doors of Hope though. He’s passionate about
making beautiful things out of dust, breathing life into dry bones and weary
hearts.
And suddenly, jobs are offered. Life-giving
relationships are orchestrated. Breakthrough is at hand.
I just want to encourage anyone who is willing to
take the time to read this that He’s faithful and He's near. When you’re out of cards, heaven
offers you its storehouses. And suddenly, out of Zion, the perfection of
beauty, God shines forth.
Sometimes in weeks, or even moments. Don’t give up hope! The enemy
fights hardest to destroy our hope and joy when breakthrough is nearest- have
faith for the “and suddenly” moments of the God who says, “I will betroth you
to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
in righteousness and justice,
in
lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you
to Me in faithfulness,
and you shall know the Lord.” (Hosea 2:19-20). He commits Himself to us- in
lovingkindness, mercy and faithfulness. Unyielding, unfailing.
As I’ve mentioned before, my favorite word is the
Hebrew word shalom, which is multifaceted in its definition. It means nothing
missing, nothing broken; wholeness, flourishing, everything and everyone living
in peace and justice with one another.
This word is often used when salvation is talked about in the
Scriptures. God’s saving work is to make us whole and flourishing, and by
golly, Jesus has won that for us and He deserves our wholeness and flourishing as a worthy prize! I think
it’s time to get our hopes up. It’s time to quit our attempts to numb or escape
the pain and hand it over to Jesus, so He can revive us, heal us, and make us
whole so we can feel again, love again, fully worship again. Let God surprise you with His
extravagant kindness and providence. He’s more that ready to show up if you
invite Him. You are His treasure and He’s ready to restore all that’s been lost
or stolen in the warfare, to appoint you with a victor’s crown.
May we sing the song of people whole and wholly loved, wholly redeemed.
And suddenly…
