May I Walk With You By Faith + Not By Sight

I used to think that the most difficult decision I would have to make would be to decide on a college and a major, or perhaps the colors of my wedding (haha), not paying any thought to the black fog that would be mysterious post-grad life.

Over the past year, my prayer life has strongly revolved around two key points: (1) That God would strategically place me where He wants me to be, especially in terms of job(s), and (2) Exodus 33:15, “If your presence will not go with me, do not bring [me] up from here.” 

A.W. Tozer wrote, “Outside the will of God, there’s nothing I want. Inside the will of God, there’s nothing I fear.”  This has been a vital anthem to my spirit in this season of figuring out life as something other than a student.  It has so much to do with trust- trusting that the choices and places God calls me to are for His glory and my good, even when those choices and people and places don’t glitter and glow.  It’s easy to make decisions in our flesh about what choices seem right, seem good, seem logical.  But so often, God calls us to choose paths that are seemingly absurd to the logical mind. Build an ark. Find a way through the sea.  Take two years off. Take the job with the pay cut. Live in this neighborhood, or this city, or this country.

Because here’s the thing- at His core, God delights in turning ashes to beauty, turning the Valleys of Achor in our lives into Doors of Hope (read: Hosea 2:15).  He is enamored by opportunities to transform, to make whole, to make new.  How often do we own that same perspective? I know I often struggle to maintain it.  Looking at my piling bills, the traffic, the slow progress, etc- sometimes I forget to see beneath the dirt and malaise of day to day life to see the glimmer of change, the consistent, quiet breath of the Holy Spirit dancing about me, waiting oh so patiently for my attention, my full, undivided attention.

I have no clue who I’m writing this for (beyond God, obviously), but I know that I for one have felt the tension lately of the many opportunities and decisions that await at my doorstep, and I’ve felt the stirring of the Spirit over areas and opportunities that seem lackluster to the bare eye. So for those of you feeling like God has for some reason taken you into “boring” territory, or “dry” seasons, this is my battlecry along with you- look again. Look again, with your eyes on Him.  Sing out to the dry bones, to take life and arise. Because the beauty of grace and faith is not merely that we’re forgiven, but that we’re invited to participate in the act of redemption, in stewarding this supernatural gift of making things new, and whole, and full of His glory.

Press in for the full measure. And know that, at any moment, you lack NOTHING; the Father of lights gives good gifts, and you have to know and believe that any relationship or resource not currently in your life is for your best. If He is constantly fighting for our wholeness, we have to believe that this alone is His motivation behind His every choice to give and to take away. He’s an amazing Father of unfailing lovingkindness.

"And he said to Him, 'If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?'" Exodus 33:15-16

Choices.

Here’s the thing I’m finding that I really love/hate about life lately: choices.  I can barely choose a shampoo, let alone the course of my life.  In His lovingkindness, God gave us free will instead of making our decisions for us, and while I am so thankful for being given a facet of His creative nature in the act of choosing, I have also felt the weight of that responsibility recently. 

Our choices are all spurred on by motivations- to be loved, to feel loved, to feel worthy, to feel good, to feel like we made a difference, to feel important, to feel put together, to feel good enough…you get my drift.  Our choices are spurred on by whatever concept of our identity we are clinging onto. 

Conrad Gilles wrote, "If you focus on good behavior you will get law and religion. If you focus on identity, you will get good behavior."

In this post-grad season of life, I’ve had to make a lot of choices.  In the midst of the crucible of massive life changes and transitions, I’ve made some decisions I’m proud of, and some I wish I could delete and rewrite.   Through it all though, I have been overwhelmed with this revelation: God continues to choose us, over and over and over again.  That’s the thing about really unconditional love- it’s choosing someone repeatedly, for all that they are, for all their choices.

This unbelievable rest flows into my spirit when I realize that my identity is grounded in that of a daughter who is chosen, over and over and over again, no matter what my choices are.  His love is steadfast, unwavering, unchanging.  His fights for my wholeness. He hates sin for me, not against me.  And when my choices reflect my brokenness and human hunger more than the spirit of a redeemed and whole child of the King, He doesn’t desire to heap pain and guilt on my shoulders; Jesus already bore that on the cross.  When my choices are lackluster or even sinful, He sends conviction and love to draw me back to His presence, back to His wholeness, back to life-giving choices and ways back into freedom.

So take heart, dear ones. God has chosen and will continue to choose you, in spite of whatever choices come your way.

He chose you long before your first breath, when you lived as but a dream in His longing heart.

May this revelation root itself deeply in our spirits, and may it help us to make life-giving choices that glorify the One who never ceases to choose us.

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

 This week, has, undoubtedly, been a rough one for me.  My grandmother passed away from cancer on Saturday, my car started smoking and broke down in my church’s parking lot on Sunday, and tonight I came home to yet another job rejection from one I was really hoping and praying for.

I don’t want to sound whiney, but I do want to be quite honest.  This is foreign territory, this season of post-grad uncertainty.  However, God calls us to foreign territory, literally and metaphorically.  He calls us to abandon our self-made senses of security and comfort in pursuit of Him and his Kingdom, a glorious adventure that is not always easy.  In the Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis writes that Aslan is good, but He isn’t safe. Jesus Himself calls us to step out of the boat onto roaring waves, step out of our houses into a dangerous world, and to step out of ourselves in an unconditional love for those who may hurt or mock us, all in a faith that trusts God ruthlessly against apparent opposition.  At the end of the day, our security is not found in our circumstances or emotions, but in His arms. 

My grandfather died when I was 13, in probably the most beautiful way I’ve ever known. He sang with a group called the Homecoming Gospel Choir, and in the midst of one of their worship shows, while singing the hymn, “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms,” he clutched his heart. The man next to him said, “Richard, are you alright?” My grandfather responded peacefully, “Yeah, I’m good.” As they continued through the verses, he had a heart aneurysm and died.  While I’m sure that was somewhat traumatic for those in attendance, how lovely is it that he died in the middle of worshiping the One who he is now ETERNALLY leaning on?

At his funeral, the choir director gave everyone in our family a torn-out copy of the hymn as a keepsake.  It’s been on my dresser ever since, and nine years later, it continually serves as a reminder of His faithfulness, and our need to depend on Him.  Here are the lyrics:

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,


Leaning on the everlasting arms;


What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,


Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Refrain:
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;


Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,


Leaning on the everlasting arms;


Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day,


Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,


Leaning on the everlasting arms?


I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,


Leaning on the everlasting arms.

As much as I am seeking some sense of order and orientation in my life in this season, God has sweetly been reminding me that He breaks through the apparent in our lives with the miraculous.  It’s His nature to blast through our apparent struggles and bleak circumstances with His all-powerful, mighty love and goodness, if only we trust Him with concerns.  My grandmother may have died of cancer four days ago, but she is dancing in heaven’s arms right now.  My car may have erupted in smoke the other day, but I was safe and near a parking lot in the middle of the day when it occurred.  And I may be discouraged after so many job rejections, but I am beyond thankful that God listens to our prayers; I’ve been praying that He will divinely close and divinely open doors for me in terms of a job, and I now know that these rejections are merely closed doors, pressing me on towards the door He wants to open for me.  I may be broke and empty-handed, but I’m a college graduate from my dream school and in the city my heart loves.   God is bigger than any challenge I’ve faced.  And when I look back on my life thus far, there hasn’t been a single time He’s let me down or failed me.  All He has done has been to protect, bless, grow, and prosper me to a place of wholeness and flourishing. 

I felt it necessary to type this all out because I feel as though there are probably others of you out there in a similar season or place in life.  Hold fast.  The Father’s heart is for you.  He is for us.  We may have been knocked down, bruised a little, and perhaps a bit discouraged, but we do not overcome out of our own strength; we overcome by the blood and the testimony of Jesus Christ.  He is our portion, defender, and victor. Jehovah Jireh, the Lord of Hosts, loves us and fights for us.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,


Leaning on the everlasting arms?


I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,


Leaning on the everlasting arms.

“The Lord will perfect that which concerns me.” Psalms 138:8

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.  Trust in the Lord forever,
for in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.” Isaiah 26:3-4

“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!” The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
to the soul who seeks Him.” Lamentations 3:22-25

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