And suddenly...

This past year has taught me more about trusting Jesus than nearly any other year of my life.

During my senior year of college, I applied for grants and other opportunities to return to Germany, I researched various grad programs and started applications that I never felt a peace to finish, and then I applied for about thirty jobs in Nashville. I graduated, lost my grandmother to cancer, and found myself unemployed, with rejections from every job I applied for.

I can’t recall a time when I’ve felt more utterly out of cards.

I had absolutely no clarity on what move to make next or where God was drawing me, but for the first time since I can recall, I didn’t have a stack of back-up plans.  He drew me to a place, a wilderness where my only hope was total dependence on Him, and I had to confront every trust issue that was holding me back from doing so.

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, 
I will bring her into the wilderness,
 and speak comfort to her.  I will give her her vineyards from there, 
and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; 
She shall sing there,
 as in the days of her youth,
 as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.” (Hosea 2:14-15)

What a beautiful and kind heart our Father has, yeah? His heartbeat is to give us LIFE, to make us WHOLE and He has resurrected that pulse in my spirit time and time again. He has astonished me continually over this past year with His providence, so strategic and abundant. With a quiet awe, I have been marveling at His heart for “and suddenly” moments.

I was out of cards a year ago and sat on my floor with a feeble prayer to be strategically positioned as I read through “The Circle Maker” by Mark Batterson (the best book on prayer I’ve ever read, seriously go buy it).  Something astonishes when you’re out of cards- you’re given a space that you can pray God’s miracles and presence into.  You’re given the chance to see Father God come through for you with His unfailing love.

And suddenly, after months- I was given not one but TWO job offers for positions I didn’t even technically apply for, no doubt the fingerprint of a Father who does what only He can do for His children.

2014 especially has been such a year of “and suddenly” moments thus far, and I had no idea how desperately I needed these breaths of heaven.  I don’t know about your story, but the past few years have been challenging for me. They’ve taken a lot of my fight. And when you feel out of cards, it’s easy to want to numb or escape than to face the fear, face the voids.  As Christa Black recently wrote though, our typical efforts to escape or numb pain don’t fix, don’t mend, don’t heal.  And if anything, our warrior-hearted Father is ferocious in His pursuit to heal us and make us whole. Jesus didn’t conquer death to simply forgive us, but to make us victorious, and that’s what we must claim every time the odds don’t appear to be in our favor. Who cares about odds anyway when all of heaven is on your side?

I’ve just been swooning in God’s kindness lately and I have to share it.  The other day I went to see the Divergent movie, and towards the end there’s a scene in which Tris, the main character, is running through streets of warfare.  Her mom is shot as they are running through streets of gunfire, but Tris has to force herself to keep running to safety. She’s already endured a brutal season as it is. She finally reaches a warehouse after running through the attacks, and she pauses once inside the door, overcome with emotion.  I felt this overwhelming gentleness from the Holy Spirit, and it was as if God whispered, “Why are you so hard on yourself after seasons of warfare? I certainly am not.”  I think many of us, over the past few years, have experienced varied degrees of trying times. It’s easy to beat yourself up for mistakes you’ve made or losses you’ve suffered along the way, but what good does that do?  Jesus isn’t interested in shame. Jesus is passionate about making our Valleys of Achor into Doors of Hope though. He’s passionate about making beautiful things out of dust, breathing life into dry bones and weary hearts.

And suddenly, jobs are offered. Life-giving relationships are orchestrated. Breakthrough is at hand.

I just want to encourage anyone who is willing to take the time to read this that He’s faithful and He's near. When you’re out of cards, heaven offers you its storehouses. And suddenly, out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth.  Sometimes in weeks, or even moments. Don’t give up hope! The enemy fights hardest to destroy our hope and joy when breakthrough is nearest- have faith for the “and suddenly” moments of the God who says, “I will betroth you to Me forever;
 Yes, I will betroth you to Me
 in righteousness and justice,
 in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
 and you shall know the Lord.” (Hosea 2:19-20).  He commits Himself to us- in lovingkindness, mercy and faithfulness. Unyielding, unfailing.

As I’ve mentioned before, my favorite word is the Hebrew word shalom, which is multifaceted in its definition. It means nothing missing, nothing broken; wholeness, flourishing, everything and everyone living in peace and justice with one another.  This word is often used when salvation is talked about in the Scriptures. God’s saving work is to make us whole and flourishing, and by golly, Jesus has won that for us and He deserves our wholeness and flourishing as a worthy prize! I think it’s time to get our hopes up. It’s time to quit our attempts to numb or escape the pain and hand it over to Jesus, so He can revive us, heal us, and make us whole so we can feel again, love again, fully worship again.  Let God surprise you with His extravagant kindness and providence. He’s more that ready to show up if you invite Him. You are His treasure and He’s ready to restore all that’s been lost or stolen in the warfare, to appoint you with a victor’s crown.

May we sing the song of people whole and wholly loved, wholly redeemed.  

And suddenly…

From the Other Side: Learning the Art of [Post-Grad] Life

Post-grad life can be disorienting, even if you are not freshly departed from the education system.  In any stage of life, we have to expect transition and change- some seasons are just more jolting than others.  Post-grad life has been a whirlwind for me personally; in a matter of weeks I had moved to a new apartment, found myself unemployed, lost my grandmother to cancer, and began to bid many of my closest friends adieu.  I stocked up on waterproof mascara and dove into piles of job applications and prayer. 

Photo Source: Pinterest

Through it all, I discovered many beautiful revelations though- like the fact that I was blessed to have such precious people and experiences to mourn the loss of.  C.S. Lewis’ said it best in his concluding remarks on Narnia- “All their life in this world and all their adventures had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

In the midst of my senior year, I dialogued with God often about what this coming year would look like. I applied for countless opportunities to return to Germany for the year, looked into grad schools, explored all the options post-grad life could potentially hold.  And His gentle voice invited me to rest. I’m so used to running at light speed, validating myself in my busyness and ambition, and He invited me to a season of rest.  I’ve become a connoisseur of reading post-grad career and life advice articles and sermons, and one of the best messages I’ve heard is simply that life is not a rat race.  It’s not a competition to see who can make the most money or get married or have babies or get the trendiest job or travel more of the world first.  Really, it’s not.  It’s okay to explore and rest and dialogue with God and to stop rushing, to stop the glorification of busy.

Photo Source: Pinterest

God is, and always is, endlessly faithful and provident, and I’m working two jobs now, one at a church and one at an incredible Christian nonprofit.  I’m also helping with admin for a worship ministry on the side.  For the first time, my life is (relatively) calm.  I have space to breath, space to create, space to seriously and intentionally invest in relationships that matter, relationships that are life-giving. And I encourage you to consider doing the same.  Don’t rush, don’t fret.  Savor time and learn that it’s okay to wait on God, and it’s equally important to invest in your twenties wisely. 

More than anything, I hope this blog invites you to celebrate and mourn the good and perfect gifts God has given you as they come and go, whether they be seasons, people, or experiences, and to embrace with faith and surrender the adventure that lies ahead.  Take good risks, surround yourself with life-giving friends who seriously pursue Jesus and their dreams and love you wholly.  Invest in your education and do work that matters with people who share your vision, that makes you come alive. 

There comes a day when you have to fill out tax forms that are like abstract Sudoku games and you have to trade your favorite college t-shirts in for professional clothes, but that doesn’t mean that you have to lose your heart in the process.  Don’t settle on jobs that make you miserable and don’t compromise on the people you allow to live life with you. 

At some point you have to realize that your life is FULLY in your hands- YOU hold the sails, the steering wheel, whatever metaphorical device you choose- but really, you’re not a victim or a bystander in your own life.  No matter what circumstances are thrown your way, you alone choose how to respond.  You alone can create your life and make the choices that guide it, responding to the invitations God lays before you.  So take the ownership.  Work hard. Love hard. Learn to pray hard. Pick up hobbies and passions that you can maintain and develop throughout your entire life, and ones that you can use to serve others.  Find mentors and ask people that inspire you good questions. 

Take loads of pictures along the way and leave people better than you found them.  Never lose your sense of wonder.  Never make decisions based on fear; make them only out of love. 

At our staff retreat last fall, someone said something incredibly profound: As Christians, we’re called to be Kingdom-minded, not castle-minded.  We need to stop building ivory towers of comfort and security.  No one season is meant to remain forever. We must hold it all loosely, journeying forth with hearts of trust, eyes of wonder, and steps of confidence. 

People care more about the quality of your work than when you get it done in the work world. It’s incredibly liberating.  In college I rushed around, quite literally, like a chicken with my head cut off. I need to send out apology cards for my overdone usage of, “Sorry, I’m too busy being an RA/on Exec in my sorority/a student leader/president of a student organization/going to church/taking 16 hours of senior-level classes/oh, and writing my Honors thesis/while trying to graduate Magna Cum Laude to invest in our friendship” line. Don’t get me wrong, all of those things were life-giving experiences that shaped me, grew me, and prepared and honed my leadership and work abilities.  But was ALL of that worth it at the cost of my sleep and the depth of my friendships? I’m learning to stop the glorification of busyness.  Life is infinitely more enjoyable when you aren’t so focused on meeting deadlines (especially self-imposed ones; jobs, raises, relationships, etc.) and more focused on making quality work and relationships that actually mean something.

To conclude this spiel: I urge you to pray to be strategically positioned.  My constant prayer, through all of my final semester and through my brief period of unemployment, was to be strategically positioned.  It caught me off guard when God actually did so, even down to the details, like where I’m living.  I wanted to live in the center of the Nashville metropolis I was accustomed to and adored, but I found myself living and working on the outskirts, which is much less appealing.  While at first my flesh complained about the price of gas and commuting, the aesthetics, the general distance from the things and people I was used to being within a 5-minute walk of, it dawned on me a few weeks ago that my prayers were answered- I was strategically positioned in places where I could learn to be more like Jesus, where Jesus was needed and not usually sought out. 

In life, in careers, in relationships, we learn to do a lot of waiting; we must learn to worship God for WHO He is, not what He does. He IS breakthrough, IS providence, IS love and IS our portion.  Letting His love and strength become our superior reality paves a way of faith and breakthrough. We come to realize our weakness is an opportunity to experience God's strength and also to encounter just how unconditional and constant His love is.  Miracles happen where "voids" are.  Change and transition can be uncomfortable, but accepting new seasons allows us to experience new facets of God's love, provision, and goodness.  “Running the race to win the prize" often means not giving up/turning back when the view before is sweeter than the current one. Persevere. The best is yet to come and beauty always catches us by surprise.  Let’s reprioritize investing in and celebrating others, saying farewell to our obsession with self-preservation.  We’ll often find ourselves disoriented and reoriented as life ebbs and flows, but this life was meant to be dreamt and dared and danced. Let’s live into this season and into what God is dreaming about doing in, through, and around us!

Photo Source: Pinterest

Also: If you've made it through this post, I invite you to check out this amazing TED Talk by Meg Jay. She has a phenomenal book out as well, fantastic food for thought if you're in your twenties or thirties: