Purpose in the Pressure

I’m one of those people who failed to follow their orthodontist’s orders to consistently wear my retainer. And so, every few months, I feel inspired to push my retainer back over my teeth and endure the pressure until it becomes to annoying and I give up again.

That is how this season of my life feels.

Like most of you, I don’t fancy discomfort or pressure.  In Job 23:10, we read: “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.”  It is so enticing to focus on the latter part of that verse- we all love the thought of coming forth as gold, right? But refining gold is hot. It in involves pressure. And time.

The past 15 months of grad school have been a blur of reading, writing papers, studying, working, and wedding planning.  I am so grateful to be in this program; Baylor is an outstanding university and I am blessed to work and learn here, most assuredly. Uprooting your life and moving cross-country is not as glamorous as it sounds though.  It can be hard, lonely, emotional, exhausting.  October is like a trigger season for me in Texas; while my family and friends in Illinois and Tennessee are posting photos in their cardigans and scarfs, breaking out boots and drinking coffee on chilly fall porches, it’s still over 90 degrees here. I sweat on short walks to meetings.  I feel like I’m living in my retainer, and I want to take it off so badly.

I’ve never experienced homesickness like I have here, and autumn the endless summer nearly always seems to convince me that I have diagnosable seasonal affective disorder (SAD).  My husband works two jobs currently, and between grad school and work for me, we don’t have an abundance of free time. It feels like the nagging pressure of my retainer- I want out. I want rest. I want comfort. I want to be done with homework and multiple jobs and living between paychecks and sweltering in the heat. I want to be where the autumn leaves are, where my favorite faces and coffee shops are.

However, I gently hear the kindness of our Father remind me that there is purpose in the pressure.  The pressure refines us; the pressure strengthens us; the pressure makes us more PURE.

 “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed — always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” (2 Corinthians 4: 7-10)

In Romans 5, we read that, “perseverance produces character, and character, hope”.  As tempting as it is to “take off the retainer,” I know that perseverance produces quality; perseverance produces purity, it produces strength, just like a pearl fights against the discomfort and irritability of the sand in the mollusk. 

As I write this, I feel like these metaphors might be cliché - but in the midst of this season, these are the images that help me sustain vision and focus, to press in when I want to tap out and raise my white flag. I have clung to this quote by Elisabeth Elliot (the late wife of missionary Jim Elliot) as well, which is pinned up near our front door:

“Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way.  In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.”

Whatever season you’re in, I hope you take heart and press in. Press in deep, allowing yourself to be planted in the place God has set you in for this time. Our Father is steadfast and always capable of Isaiah 43:19: “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”  He supplies living water in desert lands and seasons. I don’t want to look back on this time in my life and recall whining and complaining in the desert (Texas).  I want to mark this season with relentless praises to King Jesus, the One who has done nothing but provide abundantly in His lovingkindness towards us. He is faithful, every day. In the sweltering heat, in the weariness of my heart, in the sleeplessness, in the busyness, in the unknown – He is good, so good, so present.

And suddenly...

This past year has taught me more about trusting Jesus than nearly any other year of my life.

During my senior year of college, I applied for grants and other opportunities to return to Germany, I researched various grad programs and started applications that I never felt a peace to finish, and then I applied for about thirty jobs in Nashville. I graduated, lost my grandmother to cancer, and found myself unemployed, with rejections from every job I applied for.

I can’t recall a time when I’ve felt more utterly out of cards.

I had absolutely no clarity on what move to make next or where God was drawing me, but for the first time since I can recall, I didn’t have a stack of back-up plans.  He drew me to a place, a wilderness where my only hope was total dependence on Him, and I had to confront every trust issue that was holding me back from doing so.

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, 
I will bring her into the wilderness,
 and speak comfort to her.  I will give her her vineyards from there, 
and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; 
She shall sing there,
 as in the days of her youth,
 as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.” (Hosea 2:14-15)

What a beautiful and kind heart our Father has, yeah? His heartbeat is to give us LIFE, to make us WHOLE and He has resurrected that pulse in my spirit time and time again. He has astonished me continually over this past year with His providence, so strategic and abundant. With a quiet awe, I have been marveling at His heart for “and suddenly” moments.

I was out of cards a year ago and sat on my floor with a feeble prayer to be strategically positioned as I read through “The Circle Maker” by Mark Batterson (the best book on prayer I’ve ever read, seriously go buy it).  Something astonishes when you’re out of cards- you’re given a space that you can pray God’s miracles and presence into.  You’re given the chance to see Father God come through for you with His unfailing love.

And suddenly, after months- I was given not one but TWO job offers for positions I didn’t even technically apply for, no doubt the fingerprint of a Father who does what only He can do for His children.

2014 especially has been such a year of “and suddenly” moments thus far, and I had no idea how desperately I needed these breaths of heaven.  I don’t know about your story, but the past few years have been challenging for me. They’ve taken a lot of my fight. And when you feel out of cards, it’s easy to want to numb or escape than to face the fear, face the voids.  As Christa Black recently wrote though, our typical efforts to escape or numb pain don’t fix, don’t mend, don’t heal.  And if anything, our warrior-hearted Father is ferocious in His pursuit to heal us and make us whole. Jesus didn’t conquer death to simply forgive us, but to make us victorious, and that’s what we must claim every time the odds don’t appear to be in our favor. Who cares about odds anyway when all of heaven is on your side?

I’ve just been swooning in God’s kindness lately and I have to share it.  The other day I went to see the Divergent movie, and towards the end there’s a scene in which Tris, the main character, is running through streets of warfare.  Her mom is shot as they are running through streets of gunfire, but Tris has to force herself to keep running to safety. She’s already endured a brutal season as it is. She finally reaches a warehouse after running through the attacks, and she pauses once inside the door, overcome with emotion.  I felt this overwhelming gentleness from the Holy Spirit, and it was as if God whispered, “Why are you so hard on yourself after seasons of warfare? I certainly am not.”  I think many of us, over the past few years, have experienced varied degrees of trying times. It’s easy to beat yourself up for mistakes you’ve made or losses you’ve suffered along the way, but what good does that do?  Jesus isn’t interested in shame. Jesus is passionate about making our Valleys of Achor into Doors of Hope though. He’s passionate about making beautiful things out of dust, breathing life into dry bones and weary hearts.

And suddenly, jobs are offered. Life-giving relationships are orchestrated. Breakthrough is at hand.

I just want to encourage anyone who is willing to take the time to read this that He’s faithful and He's near. When you’re out of cards, heaven offers you its storehouses. And suddenly, out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth.  Sometimes in weeks, or even moments. Don’t give up hope! The enemy fights hardest to destroy our hope and joy when breakthrough is nearest- have faith for the “and suddenly” moments of the God who says, “I will betroth you to Me forever;
 Yes, I will betroth you to Me
 in righteousness and justice,
 in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
 and you shall know the Lord.” (Hosea 2:19-20).  He commits Himself to us- in lovingkindness, mercy and faithfulness. Unyielding, unfailing.

As I’ve mentioned before, my favorite word is the Hebrew word shalom, which is multifaceted in its definition. It means nothing missing, nothing broken; wholeness, flourishing, everything and everyone living in peace and justice with one another.  This word is often used when salvation is talked about in the Scriptures. God’s saving work is to make us whole and flourishing, and by golly, Jesus has won that for us and He deserves our wholeness and flourishing as a worthy prize! I think it’s time to get our hopes up. It’s time to quit our attempts to numb or escape the pain and hand it over to Jesus, so He can revive us, heal us, and make us whole so we can feel again, love again, fully worship again.  Let God surprise you with His extravagant kindness and providence. He’s more that ready to show up if you invite Him. You are His treasure and He’s ready to restore all that’s been lost or stolen in the warfare, to appoint you with a victor’s crown.

May we sing the song of people whole and wholly loved, wholly redeemed.  

And suddenly…

From the Other Side: Learning the Art of [Post-Grad] Life

Post-grad life can be disorienting, even if you are not freshly departed from the education system.  In any stage of life, we have to expect transition and change- some seasons are just more jolting than others.  Post-grad life has been a whirlwind for me personally; in a matter of weeks I had moved to a new apartment, found myself unemployed, lost my grandmother to cancer, and began to bid many of my closest friends adieu.  I stocked up on waterproof mascara and dove into piles of job applications and prayer. 

Photo Source: Pinterest

Through it all, I discovered many beautiful revelations though- like the fact that I was blessed to have such precious people and experiences to mourn the loss of.  C.S. Lewis’ said it best in his concluding remarks on Narnia- “All their life in this world and all their adventures had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

In the midst of my senior year, I dialogued with God often about what this coming year would look like. I applied for countless opportunities to return to Germany for the year, looked into grad schools, explored all the options post-grad life could potentially hold.  And His gentle voice invited me to rest. I’m so used to running at light speed, validating myself in my busyness and ambition, and He invited me to a season of rest.  I’ve become a connoisseur of reading post-grad career and life advice articles and sermons, and one of the best messages I’ve heard is simply that life is not a rat race.  It’s not a competition to see who can make the most money or get married or have babies or get the trendiest job or travel more of the world first.  Really, it’s not.  It’s okay to explore and rest and dialogue with God and to stop rushing, to stop the glorification of busy.

Photo Source: Pinterest

God is, and always is, endlessly faithful and provident, and I’m working two jobs now, one at a church and one at an incredible Christian nonprofit.  I’m also helping with admin for a worship ministry on the side.  For the first time, my life is (relatively) calm.  I have space to breath, space to create, space to seriously and intentionally invest in relationships that matter, relationships that are life-giving. And I encourage you to consider doing the same.  Don’t rush, don’t fret.  Savor time and learn that it’s okay to wait on God, and it’s equally important to invest in your twenties wisely. 

More than anything, I hope this blog invites you to celebrate and mourn the good and perfect gifts God has given you as they come and go, whether they be seasons, people, or experiences, and to embrace with faith and surrender the adventure that lies ahead.  Take good risks, surround yourself with life-giving friends who seriously pursue Jesus and their dreams and love you wholly.  Invest in your education and do work that matters with people who share your vision, that makes you come alive. 

There comes a day when you have to fill out tax forms that are like abstract Sudoku games and you have to trade your favorite college t-shirts in for professional clothes, but that doesn’t mean that you have to lose your heart in the process.  Don’t settle on jobs that make you miserable and don’t compromise on the people you allow to live life with you. 

At some point you have to realize that your life is FULLY in your hands- YOU hold the sails, the steering wheel, whatever metaphorical device you choose- but really, you’re not a victim or a bystander in your own life.  No matter what circumstances are thrown your way, you alone choose how to respond.  You alone can create your life and make the choices that guide it, responding to the invitations God lays before you.  So take the ownership.  Work hard. Love hard. Learn to pray hard. Pick up hobbies and passions that you can maintain and develop throughout your entire life, and ones that you can use to serve others.  Find mentors and ask people that inspire you good questions. 

Take loads of pictures along the way and leave people better than you found them.  Never lose your sense of wonder.  Never make decisions based on fear; make them only out of love. 

At our staff retreat last fall, someone said something incredibly profound: As Christians, we’re called to be Kingdom-minded, not castle-minded.  We need to stop building ivory towers of comfort and security.  No one season is meant to remain forever. We must hold it all loosely, journeying forth with hearts of trust, eyes of wonder, and steps of confidence. 

People care more about the quality of your work than when you get it done in the work world. It’s incredibly liberating.  In college I rushed around, quite literally, like a chicken with my head cut off. I need to send out apology cards for my overdone usage of, “Sorry, I’m too busy being an RA/on Exec in my sorority/a student leader/president of a student organization/going to church/taking 16 hours of senior-level classes/oh, and writing my Honors thesis/while trying to graduate Magna Cum Laude to invest in our friendship” line. Don’t get me wrong, all of those things were life-giving experiences that shaped me, grew me, and prepared and honed my leadership and work abilities.  But was ALL of that worth it at the cost of my sleep and the depth of my friendships? I’m learning to stop the glorification of busyness.  Life is infinitely more enjoyable when you aren’t so focused on meeting deadlines (especially self-imposed ones; jobs, raises, relationships, etc.) and more focused on making quality work and relationships that actually mean something.

To conclude this spiel: I urge you to pray to be strategically positioned.  My constant prayer, through all of my final semester and through my brief period of unemployment, was to be strategically positioned.  It caught me off guard when God actually did so, even down to the details, like where I’m living.  I wanted to live in the center of the Nashville metropolis I was accustomed to and adored, but I found myself living and working on the outskirts, which is much less appealing.  While at first my flesh complained about the price of gas and commuting, the aesthetics, the general distance from the things and people I was used to being within a 5-minute walk of, it dawned on me a few weeks ago that my prayers were answered- I was strategically positioned in places where I could learn to be more like Jesus, where Jesus was needed and not usually sought out. 

In life, in careers, in relationships, we learn to do a lot of waiting; we must learn to worship God for WHO He is, not what He does. He IS breakthrough, IS providence, IS love and IS our portion.  Letting His love and strength become our superior reality paves a way of faith and breakthrough. We come to realize our weakness is an opportunity to experience God's strength and also to encounter just how unconditional and constant His love is.  Miracles happen where "voids" are.  Change and transition can be uncomfortable, but accepting new seasons allows us to experience new facets of God's love, provision, and goodness.  “Running the race to win the prize" often means not giving up/turning back when the view before is sweeter than the current one. Persevere. The best is yet to come and beauty always catches us by surprise.  Let’s reprioritize investing in and celebrating others, saying farewell to our obsession with self-preservation.  We’ll often find ourselves disoriented and reoriented as life ebbs and flows, but this life was meant to be dreamt and dared and danced. Let’s live into this season and into what God is dreaming about doing in, through, and around us!

Photo Source: Pinterest

Also: If you've made it through this post, I invite you to check out this amazing TED Talk by Meg Jay. She has a phenomenal book out as well, fantastic food for thought if you're in your twenties or thirties:

May I Walk With You By Faith + Not By Sight

I used to think that the most difficult decision I would have to make would be to decide on a college and a major, or perhaps the colors of my wedding (haha), not paying any thought to the black fog that would be mysterious post-grad life.

Over the past year, my prayer life has strongly revolved around two key points: (1) That God would strategically place me where He wants me to be, especially in terms of job(s), and (2) Exodus 33:15, “If your presence will not go with me, do not bring [me] up from here.” 

A.W. Tozer wrote, “Outside the will of God, there’s nothing I want. Inside the will of God, there’s nothing I fear.”  This has been a vital anthem to my spirit in this season of figuring out life as something other than a student.  It has so much to do with trust- trusting that the choices and places God calls me to are for His glory and my good, even when those choices and people and places don’t glitter and glow.  It’s easy to make decisions in our flesh about what choices seem right, seem good, seem logical.  But so often, God calls us to choose paths that are seemingly absurd to the logical mind. Build an ark. Find a way through the sea.  Take two years off. Take the job with the pay cut. Live in this neighborhood, or this city, or this country.

Because here’s the thing- at His core, God delights in turning ashes to beauty, turning the Valleys of Achor in our lives into Doors of Hope (read: Hosea 2:15).  He is enamored by opportunities to transform, to make whole, to make new.  How often do we own that same perspective? I know I often struggle to maintain it.  Looking at my piling bills, the traffic, the slow progress, etc- sometimes I forget to see beneath the dirt and malaise of day to day life to see the glimmer of change, the consistent, quiet breath of the Holy Spirit dancing about me, waiting oh so patiently for my attention, my full, undivided attention.

I have no clue who I’m writing this for (beyond God, obviously), but I know that I for one have felt the tension lately of the many opportunities and decisions that await at my doorstep, and I’ve felt the stirring of the Spirit over areas and opportunities that seem lackluster to the bare eye. So for those of you feeling like God has for some reason taken you into “boring” territory, or “dry” seasons, this is my battlecry along with you- look again. Look again, with your eyes on Him.  Sing out to the dry bones, to take life and arise. Because the beauty of grace and faith is not merely that we’re forgiven, but that we’re invited to participate in the act of redemption, in stewarding this supernatural gift of making things new, and whole, and full of His glory.

Press in for the full measure. And know that, at any moment, you lack NOTHING; the Father of lights gives good gifts, and you have to know and believe that any relationship or resource not currently in your life is for your best. If He is constantly fighting for our wholeness, we have to believe that this alone is His motivation behind His every choice to give and to take away. He’s an amazing Father of unfailing lovingkindness.

"And he said to Him, 'If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?'" Exodus 33:15-16

Choices.

Here’s the thing I’m finding that I really love/hate about life lately: choices.  I can barely choose a shampoo, let alone the course of my life.  In His lovingkindness, God gave us free will instead of making our decisions for us, and while I am so thankful for being given a facet of His creative nature in the act of choosing, I have also felt the weight of that responsibility recently. 

Our choices are all spurred on by motivations- to be loved, to feel loved, to feel worthy, to feel good, to feel like we made a difference, to feel important, to feel put together, to feel good enough…you get my drift.  Our choices are spurred on by whatever concept of our identity we are clinging onto. 

Conrad Gilles wrote, "If you focus on good behavior you will get law and religion. If you focus on identity, you will get good behavior."

In this post-grad season of life, I’ve had to make a lot of choices.  In the midst of the crucible of massive life changes and transitions, I’ve made some decisions I’m proud of, and some I wish I could delete and rewrite.   Through it all though, I have been overwhelmed with this revelation: God continues to choose us, over and over and over again.  That’s the thing about really unconditional love- it’s choosing someone repeatedly, for all that they are, for all their choices.

This unbelievable rest flows into my spirit when I realize that my identity is grounded in that of a daughter who is chosen, over and over and over again, no matter what my choices are.  His love is steadfast, unwavering, unchanging.  His fights for my wholeness. He hates sin for me, not against me.  And when my choices reflect my brokenness and human hunger more than the spirit of a redeemed and whole child of the King, He doesn’t desire to heap pain and guilt on my shoulders; Jesus already bore that on the cross.  When my choices are lackluster or even sinful, He sends conviction and love to draw me back to His presence, back to His wholeness, back to life-giving choices and ways back into freedom.

So take heart, dear ones. God has chosen and will continue to choose you, in spite of whatever choices come your way.

He chose you long before your first breath, when you lived as but a dream in His longing heart.

May this revelation root itself deeply in our spirits, and may it help us to make life-giving choices that glorify the One who never ceases to choose us.

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

 This week, has, undoubtedly, been a rough one for me.  My grandmother passed away from cancer on Saturday, my car started smoking and broke down in my church’s parking lot on Sunday, and tonight I came home to yet another job rejection from one I was really hoping and praying for.

I don’t want to sound whiney, but I do want to be quite honest.  This is foreign territory, this season of post-grad uncertainty.  However, God calls us to foreign territory, literally and metaphorically.  He calls us to abandon our self-made senses of security and comfort in pursuit of Him and his Kingdom, a glorious adventure that is not always easy.  In the Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis writes that Aslan is good, but He isn’t safe. Jesus Himself calls us to step out of the boat onto roaring waves, step out of our houses into a dangerous world, and to step out of ourselves in an unconditional love for those who may hurt or mock us, all in a faith that trusts God ruthlessly against apparent opposition.  At the end of the day, our security is not found in our circumstances or emotions, but in His arms. 

My grandfather died when I was 13, in probably the most beautiful way I’ve ever known. He sang with a group called the Homecoming Gospel Choir, and in the midst of one of their worship shows, while singing the hymn, “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms,” he clutched his heart. The man next to him said, “Richard, are you alright?” My grandfather responded peacefully, “Yeah, I’m good.” As they continued through the verses, he had a heart aneurysm and died.  While I’m sure that was somewhat traumatic for those in attendance, how lovely is it that he died in the middle of worshiping the One who he is now ETERNALLY leaning on?

At his funeral, the choir director gave everyone in our family a torn-out copy of the hymn as a keepsake.  It’s been on my dresser ever since, and nine years later, it continually serves as a reminder of His faithfulness, and our need to depend on Him.  Here are the lyrics:

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,


Leaning on the everlasting arms;


What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,


Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Refrain:
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;


Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,


Leaning on the everlasting arms;


Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day,


Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,


Leaning on the everlasting arms?


I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,


Leaning on the everlasting arms.

As much as I am seeking some sense of order and orientation in my life in this season, God has sweetly been reminding me that He breaks through the apparent in our lives with the miraculous.  It’s His nature to blast through our apparent struggles and bleak circumstances with His all-powerful, mighty love and goodness, if only we trust Him with concerns.  My grandmother may have died of cancer four days ago, but she is dancing in heaven’s arms right now.  My car may have erupted in smoke the other day, but I was safe and near a parking lot in the middle of the day when it occurred.  And I may be discouraged after so many job rejections, but I am beyond thankful that God listens to our prayers; I’ve been praying that He will divinely close and divinely open doors for me in terms of a job, and I now know that these rejections are merely closed doors, pressing me on towards the door He wants to open for me.  I may be broke and empty-handed, but I’m a college graduate from my dream school and in the city my heart loves.   God is bigger than any challenge I’ve faced.  And when I look back on my life thus far, there hasn’t been a single time He’s let me down or failed me.  All He has done has been to protect, bless, grow, and prosper me to a place of wholeness and flourishing. 

I felt it necessary to type this all out because I feel as though there are probably others of you out there in a similar season or place in life.  Hold fast.  The Father’s heart is for you.  He is for us.  We may have been knocked down, bruised a little, and perhaps a bit discouraged, but we do not overcome out of our own strength; we overcome by the blood and the testimony of Jesus Christ.  He is our portion, defender, and victor. Jehovah Jireh, the Lord of Hosts, loves us and fights for us.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,


Leaning on the everlasting arms?


I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,


Leaning on the everlasting arms.

“The Lord will perfect that which concerns me.” Psalms 138:8

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.  Trust in the Lord forever,
for in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.” Isaiah 26:3-4

“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!” The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
to the soul who seeks Him.” Lamentations 3:22-25

Image Source: Pinterest

Our Twenties Are Not A Checklist.

I’ve watched as my friends sign their marriage certificates, gain college degrees, move to other states and countries.  There is a constant momentum of being twenty(one), consistently moving from goal to goal. Junioy year? Check. Senior year? En route.  Job secured? Husband? Housing?

I think it’s easy to assume a natural “life” progression, to assume that those automatically equate success or happiness or contentment.  But there’s something that’s been on my mind lately- that I hope, by the grace of God, that my twenties are not a checklist.  I hope I can define my success in my twenties by the fruit of my life- and I hope that the fruit of my life is that of a woman who loves, trusts, and adores Jesus.  I hope the fruit of my twenties is life-giving love and passion and work.  I hope that the fruit of my twenties is transformation and justice and restoration.  And, if any of that includes a husband and a house and perhaps a Masters degree including a job with full benefits, cool.  If not, life is still a marvelous adventure and our loving, gracious Father says that no good thing shall we lack. 

Nothing is inherently wrong with the progression of rites of passage- these are beautiful things.  But I don’t want to rely on those as markers of my journey.  Mary Oliver writes, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”  I want to learn to sacrifice hard things for the sake of others.  I want to love hard and wholly, and adventure bravely, and listen better.  Perhaps I’m just introspective because in the midst of my senior year, but I’m realizing the gravity of the choices that lie before me---and before you.  It may sound cliché, but I believe that if we dare allow God the opportunity to divinely open doors to us and to invade our meager acts of surrender with His love and power, nothing, I repeat, NOTHING He has put in our hearts to dream is impossible.

 

Yet in the midst of the planning and the dreaming and the doing, I’m also reminded that every season has an expiration date- and it is so crucial that we do not forget to savor the fruit of being and blooming right where He has us.  In our senior religion major Colloquium course, we had a discussion about vocation a few weeks ago with some professors. Dr. McEntire asserted, “Vocation isn’t a high-stakes treasure hunt.  Embracing your calling is learning to live into your life as who you are, wherever you are at.  As Frederick Buechner wrote, ‘The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.’  Live into what it means to be present, especially in relationships.  Vocation is not about putting food on the table.  Vocation grows in us our whole lives; it is not a job or a paycheck, but rather who you are called to be.”  Here Dr. McAbee took a moment to reflect.  “Stop trying to find God’s will.  Be God’s will.  Live in God’s will.  The Kingdom of God is within us, a present reality- live into that each day!  Sit wherever you are at in the presence of God.  That is enough.” 

Over the past few months, Psalm 27:4 has been a consistent billboard in my life, but I feel as though I’m just now learning to appreciate its implications.  Dwell with this for a moment:

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:  that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.”

If there is anything I feel that our Father has been teaching me as of late, it is to be content.  To stop seeking security in my plans and to-do lists, but to abandon it all in the trust that He will provide as I pursue His heart in all its beauty.  Because here’s the clincher- HE is our ultimate good, our ultimate love, our ultimate wholeness.  Nothing apart can satisfy us as He can and does.  He is a good Father who gives good gifts.  We shall have no want- because He provides. After all we’ve come through, how do we still not yet trust Him? Why do we grasp so ferociously to control? What does all of our worrying and striving accomplish?

Now abiding in His presence- gazing on His beauty- THAT is contentment, rest, trust, peace.  When we learn to abide in trust in Him, content to love Him better and know Him more intimately, our entire being will be transformed to bear such fruit.

All this to say, I’m learning to be content with the mystery, with the unknowns, with the desires and longings.  He is more than enough.  What could possibly be more worthwhile than seeking and loving the One who never fails to continually pursue and love us, and from that, offering the same healing, redemption, and wholeness to others?

I pray we all take a moment to mute the noises and haze of life to gaze upon His beauty and assess what we truly want to look back a year from now and see as the fruit of our lives.

YOU are dearly beloved! Dream big, pray big, adventure big, hope big, love [God and those you daily encounter] big- love is verb.