Purpose in the Pressure

I’m one of those people who failed to follow their orthodontist’s orders to consistently wear my retainer. And so, every few months, I feel inspired to push my retainer back over my teeth and endure the pressure until it becomes to annoying and I give up again.

That is how this season of my life feels.

Like most of you, I don’t fancy discomfort or pressure.  In Job 23:10, we read: “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.”  It is so enticing to focus on the latter part of that verse- we all love the thought of coming forth as gold, right? But refining gold is hot. It in involves pressure. And time.

The past 15 months of grad school have been a blur of reading, writing papers, studying, working, and wedding planning.  I am so grateful to be in this program; Baylor is an outstanding university and I am blessed to work and learn here, most assuredly. Uprooting your life and moving cross-country is not as glamorous as it sounds though.  It can be hard, lonely, emotional, exhausting.  October is like a trigger season for me in Texas; while my family and friends in Illinois and Tennessee are posting photos in their cardigans and scarfs, breaking out boots and drinking coffee on chilly fall porches, it’s still over 90 degrees here. I sweat on short walks to meetings.  I feel like I’m living in my retainer, and I want to take it off so badly.

I’ve never experienced homesickness like I have here, and autumn the endless summer nearly always seems to convince me that I have diagnosable seasonal affective disorder (SAD).  My husband works two jobs currently, and between grad school and work for me, we don’t have an abundance of free time. It feels like the nagging pressure of my retainer- I want out. I want rest. I want comfort. I want to be done with homework and multiple jobs and living between paychecks and sweltering in the heat. I want to be where the autumn leaves are, where my favorite faces and coffee shops are.

However, I gently hear the kindness of our Father remind me that there is purpose in the pressure.  The pressure refines us; the pressure strengthens us; the pressure makes us more PURE.

 “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed — always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” (2 Corinthians 4: 7-10)

In Romans 5, we read that, “perseverance produces character, and character, hope”.  As tempting as it is to “take off the retainer,” I know that perseverance produces quality; perseverance produces purity, it produces strength, just like a pearl fights against the discomfort and irritability of the sand in the mollusk. 

As I write this, I feel like these metaphors might be cliché - but in the midst of this season, these are the images that help me sustain vision and focus, to press in when I want to tap out and raise my white flag. I have clung to this quote by Elisabeth Elliot (the late wife of missionary Jim Elliot) as well, which is pinned up near our front door:

“Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way.  In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.”

Whatever season you’re in, I hope you take heart and press in. Press in deep, allowing yourself to be planted in the place God has set you in for this time. Our Father is steadfast and always capable of Isaiah 43:19: “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”  He supplies living water in desert lands and seasons. I don’t want to look back on this time in my life and recall whining and complaining in the desert (Texas).  I want to mark this season with relentless praises to King Jesus, the One who has done nothing but provide abundantly in His lovingkindness towards us. He is faithful, every day. In the sweltering heat, in the weariness of my heart, in the sleeplessness, in the busyness, in the unknown – He is good, so good, so present.