Germany, Jesus, and a few musings.

Du bist immer für mich.  This is the phrase I’ve often written on my wrist at the start of the day since I’ve been in Germany the past three weeks. It translates, “You are always for me.”  This adventure has taught me so incredibly much thus far, but above all else, I’m learning to rely on and trust in Jesus more than ever. And He is, most assuredly, the only constant, and always faithful.  I spent my first two weeks in Dresden. Much of the time was spent either in evangelism training or doing ministry.  There are numerous stories I would love to recount here, but I feel like the lessons I’ve been learning will best communicate what God has been revealing to my heart.  If you’re interested in hearing more specifics about my time in Dresden, my new friend Anthony summarized what Jesus did very eloquently and passionately in his blog here.

It’s been difficult to put into words what’s been happening these past three weeks.  Most people don’t think about Europe when they think about missions. Typically, mission work is equated with third world countries and starving children. Here’s the thing though---Europeans may not be starving, but they are just as spiritually malnourished as any other place.  I’m currently in Berlin, and the effects of Nazism and Communism especially have left the culture (at least where I live, in the former East Berlin) with a brokenness I’ve never encountered before. On Saturday night I went with a few others to the Red Light District in Berlin to minister to prostitutes.  It was a surreal experience. Most of the women come from Bulgaria, Russia or other nearby countries to ‘work’ in Germany.  They openly stand on the streets of this district selling their bodies, sometimes since the age of 14.  Often they have drug addictions. Some have children. All are hurting and hardened from years of abusive relationships and neglect.  It was an extremely cold night, and here they were barely wearing clothes, hoping to make some money to get by.  We tried to talk to them; some were absolutely shut down. Some were crumbling from the core. A particular one, called ‘Vicki,’ stood out to me.  She wore fishnets, a bright blue mini-skirt, had tan skin, and big, telling eyes.  She only knew German and Bulgarian, so we spoke with her in German.  We asked her if she wanted a new life, that Jesus could give her a new life---her chin quivered as she fought back tears, saying that she didn’t think it was possible.  My heart was on fire within me, desperately wanting to communicate the full extent of love Jesus has for her, but limited in my German. 

A quick note; Berlin is home to a fairly untrusting and distant culture, so extraordinarily different from the Southerners I’m accustomed to in Nashville.  No one ever smiles or talks to strangers, let alone gives something to strangers for free. Few people believe in God. Berlin is known as the “Atheist Capital of Europe.” Most are conditioned by broken families and relationships. And as I stood there in the frigid night air, praying more intently than I have in such a while, watching the barren faces of empty prostitutes as drunken college guys and middle-aged business men pulled their cars over, scanning their bodies with cravings no woman could ever satisfy, I felt a variety of things. Standing in, quite blatantly, Satan’s territory, I think I might have felt what Jesus felt.  A righteous anger against an enemy who comes to kill, steal and destroy. A relentless desire to establish the Kingdom of God---the presence of Jesus---to make all things new, to heal, to set free, to love, to give joy and peace. And though I don’t have any extraordinary testimonies from my first night of ministry in the Red Light District, I think that, in the words of Brooke Fraser, “I am changing, less and less asleep, made of different stuff than when I began…”

The Christians here are absolutely refreshing though---they are so focused on leading others to encounter Jesus! It has been an awesome reminder to see that we’re called to be witnesses, to testify to the work of His love in our lives, not to defend or argue others into believing.  When people encounter the presence of a living, mighty God who loves them unfailingly, they are forever changed.  Even the kids here at the ministry understand this.  Just the other day, a 12-year-old girl, Regina, was with her friend who had a terrible stomachache.  Regina is a Christian; her friend is not.  Regina told her friend that Jesus wanted to heal her stomach. Her friend laughed. So Regina replied, “Okay, let me pray for your stomach, and when Jesus heals it completely in 10 minutes, you have to come to Zukunft für Dich with me three times.”  And guess what? Her friend’s stomach was completely healed by Jesus, in less than ten minutes. She won’t ever forget that encounter with the Healer!

I quickly realized that in order to do ministry fulltime, it has to be out of an intimate relationship with God.  Honestly, being alone in a foreign country and not speaking the language completely fluently is not something I would do if I weren’t in love with God who drew me here---I miss my home in Nashville tremendously!  But I was thinking the other day, when we fall in love with someone, we’re willing to sacrifice in order to be with them; and when Jesus is the most beloved, dear treasure to us, we will go wherever for Him, no matter what the cost. When you love someone, you sacrifice because you know that they are more important than yourself, because real, authentic love is putting the other’s good above your own. Jesus gave all for us. We should willingly, joyfully give all for Him.  He is our joy, and our hope, and our promise for the future.  There are moments when I get overwhelmed doing ministry here alone, but knowing that I am completely in God’s will and held in His strong, unfailing hands, any hint of fear is dispelled.

When we’re in love with someone, we’re passionate about the cares of their hearts---and Jesus came to seek and to save the lost. I want to have His heart for every person I encounter!  The Bible says we can judge a tree by its fruit. We should be bearing ‘fruit’ in our lives that looks radically different from the world.  But that fruit is only produced out of a love relationship with God in which we take on His heart. Evangelism in the natural overflow of a heart captivated with Jesus.  When we’re in love with someone, we want to gush about how their love changes us and excites us! It’s even moreso with Jesus, the Author of love.  He’s not an idea, belief, or theology.  When He shows up, so do His love and power to change hearts and lives.  We owe people an encounter with Him, not petty advertisements.  As Christians we get to partner with Jesus and all of heaven to further the Kingdom of God---think about it---beauty, hope, joy, healing, restoration, all things new, goodness, freedom!  That’s the fruit I want my life to produce.

Here in Berlin I’m living in an intentional community (WohnGemeinschaft) with three other girls who are in their twenties.  They call our “WG” the “Kompromisslos für Jesus.”  “Without Compromise for Jesus Living Community.”  I’m really in awe of them. They walk around our apartment singing worship throughout the day, and as soon as something comes up that is troublesome, they automatically say, “Let’s pray.” (Only in German, of course.)  Our WG is also special because it serves as a therapy place for prostitutes who wish to start their lives anew with Jesus, if they choose to do so.  None are here currently, but any day some may come in.  We pray they do, but it’s a war.  The first few days I was here I was personally under intense spiritual attack.  I was extremely sick and overwhelmed with heavy feelings of loneliness.  At staff meeting everyone surrounded me in prayer though, and praise Jesus, my stomach was healed, my allergies improved, and so did my perspective! It’s such a blessing to be in a community with people focused on knowing and loving and sharing the presence and power of Jesus.  I honestly found it difficult to worship the first few days though; but the longer I’m here, the more I understand why my precious roommates, in their unembellished devotion to God, are able to worship constantly with such joy---because when Jesus is all you have, you realize He’s all you need.  It hasn't been easy for me to leave my home and my friends and my work and my stuff and my academic endeavors and everything that seemingly gave me purpose and comfort.  But here in Berlin, in a place so absolutely far and different from all I’ve known to be ‘mine,’ I’m realizing that when the only familiar thing to me is Jesus, I have more than enough. Because my joy is not grounded in circumstances or relationships, but in an unchanging, steadfast Father who loves me unfailingly.  Hallelujah!  And while that doesn’t make being here alone or doing ministry in a foreign culture any easier, it makes it all the more worth it. Jesus’ love makes it worth it all. 

As Bob Goff says, “Being the Body of Christ doesn’t mean we wear matching t-shirts; we try to have matching hearts.”  Go after His heart today. Let's drop our plans and make Jesus the agenda.

Improbable Faith > Predictable Life

Rick Pino made a great point when he said, “I have never regretted saying ‘yes’ to the Lord, I have only regret the times that I didn’t.” Here’s the thing though---saying yes requires first seeking God’s will.  Which is what I did a few months ago when I casually asked God what I should do with my summer break. I knew I could probably stay in Nashville again and work, enjoying the city and my friends…but I didn’t want to be selfish with my time. So when God directed me to a very whimsical idea of doing ministry internships in Germany for the summer, I was, quite honestly, a bit daunted at the thought of traveling alone through another country, just me and Jesus.

“…and lean on the God of Israel; the Lord of hosts is His name.”  (Isaiah 48:2)

I’m a planner. Anyone that really knows me will tell you that I adore color-coded tabs and neatly ordered lists.  But there are times when Jesus will invite, “Step out of the boat! Trust Me,” without any further explanation. 

Here’s the thing about leaning---it means not supporting your own weight. 

“Lean on the God of Israel”…in a world that tries to condition us to be self-sufficient and independent, how many Christians can truly say that they are leaning on God?  Being led by the Holy Spirit rather than by reason and logic?  Trusting in a King and Kingdom not of this world?  It’s often contrary to our nature, which is part of the reason I believe Paul exhorts us in Romans 8:6 that to be spiritually-minded is ‘life and peace.’  In the words of Bill Johnson, "Heaven has perfect confidence in God. This world is filled with unbelief and resistance to God. We will always reflect the nature of the world we are most aware of."

As I prepare to leave for Germany in the morning, I’ve been reflecting on the incredible support and encouragement I’ve had as I’ve prayed and planned for this adventure. I’ve also encountered those who have voiced doubts though, well-meaning individuals who brought up concerns about money and safety and reliability and security.  Yes, these are valid concerns.  But I’ve been learning that if we are to truly live out a life of faith in the One who we call Jehovah Jireh, we don’t get to know everything.  Think about this: In Ezekial 37, Ezekial is told to speak to a bunch of dry bones and prophesy that they will live.

Stop. Imagine that. You are in a valley full of HUMAN BONES and the Holy Spirit of God tells you to tell them to live. Now that is having faith, trust, vision, and purpose! Ezekial does so and look---“there was a noise and a rattling, and the bones came together, bone by bone.”  These bones came from the grave to compose a great army into which the Lord spoke hope and life.  But it took Ezekial’s faith and trust.

This is not to say it is easy, but God has been teaching me that He is trustworthy. He, who promises, IS always faithful.  So if He tells me to (seemingly foolishly) march around the walls of Jericho blowing on a trumpet, to lead a group of His people to a promised land I have yet to lay eyes on, or to step out of a boat onto water, I know His ways are gloriously higher.

It just takes a bit of gumption, a focused gaze in the loving eyes of Jesus, and resting in the knowledge that our precious Father tenderly whispers to us, “I’m every step ahead of you.”

We can’t get back hours of worry. I want to look back and say I lived a life of faith and adventure, of trust and miracles.  As Bob Goff joyously proclaims, "I would rather have improbable faith than a predictable life!" (and bear with me, I know this blog is oozing with quotes, but what can I say, they’re so true!) Norman Vincent Peale always exhorted, “Empty pockets never held anyone back---only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.”

Where God guides, God provides, and if it’s God’s will, it’s God’s bill. It hasn’t been an instantaneous result, but God has continually provided my every need each step of the way as I pursue His plan.  And I would much rather risk the odds of failing or making mistakes than risk not risking at all to further establish the Kingdom of heaven and the healing, transforming, redeeming work of Jesus’ love.

Lately I’ve been reading through Hebrews.  Most people associate Hebrews with chapter 11’s recount of the most faithful Old Testament individuals.  My bible makes a fascinating note about it: “there is no mention of the sins and shortcomings of those listed…the obvious reason is that the blood of Jesus Christ has blotted out the sins and failures, so that their iniquities are remembered against them no more.”  Same with us. We’re under the new covenant. No reason to fear. As noted in 1 John 4, “Perfect love casts out all fear.”  We’re covered! And as our loving Father, God delights in our every effort to engage Him in our lives and in our obedience to His desires. He also acknowledges the desires of our hearts and has our best interest in mind in all of His plans. He wants our good! Living in this revelation reminds me of A.W. Tozer’s happy assertion that, "Outside of the will of God, there's nothing I want, and in the will of God, there's nothing I fear."

Greater is He who is in us.  He’s called us to extraordinary living and extraordinary love, both of which require risk.  He’s every step ahead of us. :)

Always hope. Always trust. Never fear.

Let’s making our lives a daring adventure with King Jesus.

Feasting in Dangerous Places

As a Religion & the Arts major, I'm really excited about the upcoming Religion & the Arts Showcase here at Belmont University on Wednesday, April 27 from 7-9 p.m. The theme this year is "Feasting in Dangerous Places," basically exploring how we continue to find places of rest, delight and hope in the midst of a world that is often violent, bleak and threatening.  This is a poem I wrote for it, and below it is a photo of the collage art piece I made to showcase the poem.  I hope you enjoy, and come out to Neely Hall this Wednesday!

Our bunker is crafted out of His prodigal love

And our boundless faith.

We endeavor to banish darkness to its proper place.

Our ragtag band of sisters and brothers

 Dance to life,

To the tune of His unfailing affections;

The Kingdom is here!

What a glorious mystery, such a marvelous

Treasure to expose.

Our hearts are not alone but home to

His abundant majesty.

Our hope is living. Breathing. Generative. Creating. Sustaining. Transforming.

We carry the authority of the King to call things not as they seem.

 Our heartbeat is of heaven;

And the sweetest refrain is to be engraved on the palms of His hands. 

Looking at the Hands of the Time We've Been Given

The other day I was rather distracted in my Christian Ethics class, instead meandering through my Bible when a passage in 1 Corinthians 4 caught my eye.  Paul wrote, “For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers…therefore I urge you, imitate me (v. 15.16).”  It struck me as a fascinating verse.   'Father' is so much more intimate than the distant, formal term of 'instructors'…we need spiritual 'fathers' more than countless instructors. People are persuaded so much more by love than by doctrine.  1 Corinthians 4 goes on to say, “For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but a matter of power (v. 20).”  I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Paul wrote this statement within the same paragraph as the note about fathers.  We need spiritual fathers, and we need to realize that the Kingdom Jesus came to establish here on earth is recognized by its life-transforming power, not by clever words and doctrines. The Kingdom to which we belong is built on intimate relationship with our Father, recognizing our identities as sons and daughters of the King.

The past few weeks have been rather tumultuous for me.  Only a week and a half ago I went to a former high school classmate’s funeral, then I nearly wrecked after hydroplaning in a storm off of the interstate.  It made me think quite a bit about the fragility of life---we get so comfortable in our routines and feeling of invincibility that at times we can lose a sense of eternal perspective. It also made me talk with God quite a bit about how I live my life, and how I love. God has been gently revealing to me how many impure motives often lie behind my love for others…motives with conditional, self-gratifying motives.  My love is often contingent on a person’s response---I want them to at least be grateful, and at most reciprocate the same love.  If neither of these occur, I would get defensive and wonder why I should bother in the first place. 

Sometimes we need wake-up calls to remember that though God cares about us and about our hearts, making us whole and free, and drawing us into intimacy with Him, there is a broken, desperate world waiting for us to pour out to them.

Freely we receive, freely give.

We are not designed to be reservoirs, but overflowing cups of the love and grace of Jesus.

Genuine love for others does not consider our own self-interest or the behavior of others; it's giving others what they most need, unconditionally. 

Let us not get caught up in routines and rhythms that are counter to the abundant, tangible fruit of a life in love and unity with Jesus Christ.  The things that matter at the end of the life truly reflect the impact we make on those around us.  Let us seek to bear the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control by abiding in the Vine…let us create, by the power of the Holy Spirit, ‘families’ of spiritual mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, whom we can imitate and grow with as we press into the presence of God.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus and let us join hands.  The Body of Christ cannot exist in separation; relationships are vital, which is what Paul was really emphasizing.  Don’t miss an opportunity to boldly encourage those around you.  We only have today.  Let’s use it to glorify the Father who so graciously offers us abundant life. 

So Father, let us not grow weary; we entrust our hearts to You. Let us be vessels, we cry out for Your love. Let Your Kingdom come [in power and not in a façade of words] and let Your will be done!  

“For more fruit, don’t focus on doing more.  Pace yourself, and ask God to pour more of His love and power through you.  Then let God grow you in any way He chooses.” ~Stan Smith

"Arise, shine;

      For your light has come!
      And the glory of the LORD is risen upon you."  Isaiah 60:1


Don't miss the chance to encounter Him today. :)  

Christmas: An invitation.

In one of the books from my Faith & Beauty class this past semester, Cornelius Plantinga Jr. wrote, “Without costly action, hope can soften into sentimentality.”  God has been reminding me what an incredibly hopeful time Christmas is.  Our Father chose to declare war for our hearts.  He didn’t distance Himself from His adulterous creation.  He came after us, came for us, came to us---in the flesh.  He saw His people suffering, and sent a precious part of Himself to serve as the very vehicle for our redemption and renewal.  What is more beautiful, more hopeful, more loving that that? 

The real message of Christmas is so simple yet so radical.   In the context of our culture, it’s hard to see though.  The other day I was standing in an hour-long line at the new Forever 21 in Nashville, observing the people around me. The store was a blur of holiday décor, shiny displays, and catchy clothing.  Empty melodies blared forth from the DJ at the front of the store.  A few people ahead of me, a young woman and her boyfriend were attempting to conceal a difficult conversation.  He kept diverting his eye contact from her, and her eyes pleaded for his attention.  Finally he uttered a few feeble words of explanation, and departed.  Tears spilled from her eyes but she quickly wiped them away as she rifled through trinkets and jewelry that decked the path to the registers.  For a holiday that is supposed to stand for hope and joy, I was utterly broken at the sight of this sweet girl, so hungry for the very love and fulfillment Jesus came to offer us.

What are we doing with our time, especially in this season of Christmas?  It has to be more than a couple tweets about Jesus. More than a few donations to Goodwill.  “Without costly action, hope can soften into sentimentality.”  I don’t want to be merely sentimental.  I want to see hearts come alive to the loving touch of Jesus.  I want to be a vessel of beauty, hope, joy, and promise.  I want to be concerned with seeing the redemptive, transforming power of Jesus take root in my world rather than seeing my name established.  As Bob Goff said, “I love that Christmas isn't an event; it's an invitation.  We get to be Christmas; we don't need to just celebrate it.”

In the most extraordinary act of pursuing love, God not only offered atonement for our sins but new life in abundant, intimate relationship with Him.  The sweetest present of all, Jesus gave us access to His presence.  Don’t miss an opportunity to embody all the hope of Jesus to those you encounter…be aware of the hungry hearts in lines, in class, in stores, in the neighborhood.  Do something costly. Be bold. Do all things in love.  Do not fear.  Arise.  Let your light shine….for He has come, and so has His glory.  The Prince of Peace, Immanuel, came not to bring peace but a sword.  There is a yet a war for our hearts and the hearts of those around us.  We’re equipped in Christ and already can claim the victory.  Go forth and abide in His love.  Let’s make this Christmas season a delight to God’s heart…let’s make it a present to the best Dad ever!  

p.s. here are some awesome prophetic pieces of Scripture to reflect on...these seriously fill me with so much awe and adoration for God's love for us!

"...Unto us a Son is given....and His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."  Isaiah 9:6

"...by His stripes we are healed."  Isaiah 53:5

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me [Jesus], because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor;  He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.  And they shall rebuild the old ruins, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the ruined cities, the desolations of many generations."  Isaiah 61:1-4  (I encourage you to go read the rest of Isaiah 61 AND 62...such awesome pieces of Scripture!)

Happy birthday to Immanuel...God WITH us. I'm so thankful for the Love that makes all things new and never fails, that casts out all fear and conquers all. Praise You Jesus---You get ALL the glory and I love You!

Refining Fire.

This season I’ve been in has been a refining fire, to be sure.  A necessary refining fire.  We all will be put through the flames at some point, for God lovingly produces in us a faith that is “more precious than gold” (1 Peter 1:7). 

Too often we resist though, we fight against the flames that will, in the end, strengthen and purify us.  Think about the qualities in gold produced from refining fires:  impurities are stripped away, and the intrinsic make-up of the gold is made stronger than ever.  No wonder biblical writers frequently draw on this analogy!

Job 23:10 says, “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.”

I’ve learned to see seasons of refining fires like spiritual alignments.  If your back is out of place, you go to a chiropractor.  In order for your spine to be put back into proper and healthier alignment, you must allow the chiropractor to adjust you without resisting and holding tension in your neck.  It’s the same with our Father; we must trust His teaching and timing, not resisting and clinging to control.  Your spine affects every other system in your body, whether you realize it or not.  Likewise, if you’re not pursuing the presence of God and spending time listening to Him, aligning your heart with His, all other areas of our lives will be affected. 

This season was a rather difficult refining fire for me.  God was teaching me the beauty of waiting on Him and allowing this fire to produce fruit that holds longevity.  When gold is refined, it isn’t put in the fire for two minutes.  It might be put in the fire for two days, or even two weeks.  We cannot expect instant gratification and faith as pure as gold without time, extended time, during which we wait on and seek God. 

  

Waiting on God doesn’t mean stopping.  Waiting does not allocate ceasing all progress.  It’s a position of our hearts.  Just read these verses:

“Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!” Psalm 27:14

“Blessed are all those who wait on Him.”  Isaiah 30:18

“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.  It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”  Lamentations 3:25-26

We live in the expectation that God is worthy of our trust.  He comes through, every time, with results and plans that are better for us than anything we could ever devise.  We let Him refine our desires to be for Him, to grow for Him and His Kingdom, and we let the desires that don’t fulfill us burn out. 

And He is so patient during each and every season and process!  I love His tender-heartedness and grace in teaching me.  Leonard Sweet tweeted the other day, “When Adam and Eve messed up, God didn't throw them away and start over again. God comes looking for us: ‘Adam, where are you?’”  He knows we still make mistakes and have trouble surrendering control.  He continues to patiently and tenderly come after us when we hide in our failure, shrinking back from the flames.  He comes, gathers us in His loving embrace, and reminds us that we are His dearly beloved, and that He is refining us into the incredible works of creation He designed us to be.  He reminds us that Jesus’ blood covered all of our sins, yesterday, today, and tomorrow to come.  So we lay down our defenses, take hold of His hand, and press on into His heart and His Kingdom.

One aspect I’ve come to be so grateful for in this past season is the growth I’ve had in intimacy with Him.  Both in my prayer/worship time and in my study of His Word, I find Him drawing me nearer to His heart.  I take my weariness, my longing, my struggle to mature and grow, my dying self-sufficiency, and I lay it at His feet.  Times when I felt like the fires of this season were scorching me rather than refining me, I found myself hearing Jesus say, “See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands (Isaiah 49:16)…Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am He, I am He who will sustain you. 
I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. (Isaiah 46:4).”

I have a feeling that many of you are feeling worn down by whatever season you’re in...but let me reassure you, He has an incredibly beautiful plan!  Trust Him.  Wait on Him, seek Him with a song of praise and a heart of adoration. 

“For our God is a consuming fire.” Heb. 12:29

“As the Father has loved me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.” ~Jesus, in John 15:9

“This third I will put into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. 
They will call on My name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are My people,’ and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’”  Zecheriah 13:9

Tear down your curtains. Let the Light shine in.

God is creative with getting my attention.

This past Friday night I was sitting in a friend’s room when the curtain above his window fell…on top of me.  I disregarded it as unfortunate.  Then a few days later, while I sat on my bed one afternoon studying, my curtain hooks came undone, sending my curtain rod down with a fierce thud. Light gloriously pierced into the dim lighting of my room.  I let out a shriek from the shock of it.   As I was telling another one of my friends about it, she reminded me that she had been trying to talk with me about a song she has been writing about the veil being torn when Jesus died on the cross. 

I’d been so caught up in my schedule and stress that I wasn’t taking time to listen to God’s gentle---or rather, abrupt---whispers surrounding me. 

I sat in my room for a while staring at my massive, exposed window that is typically softened by a plum curtain.  What was He trying to tell me?    As I reflected on Jesus and the veil being torn, He started to work on my heart.

So often we put up veils, or curtains, in our relationship with God.  Though the true veil is actually torn and we have full access to God’s presence because of Jesus, many of us resurrect veils that in turn separate us from experiencing His fullness.  Whether that be pride, stress, relationships, work, anger, our sense of comfort an security, or whatever---the veils we put up flaunt a message that they are more important, more pressing, than pursuing the heart of God and His Kingdom.  I relate to this.  As I looked at the exposed glass with radiant light streaming in, I went to look at it more closely.  It was dusty, and there were dead bugs that had been in the panes for probably fifty years.  I took some time to clean my window.  It shined more brilliantly than ever.  Our relationships with God are like that.  Sometimes we have to tear down the curtains we put up to see what lies behind it, the issues that keep us from trusting His character and will wholly.  When we let down our will and our control, we can work with God to root out the dust and dead bugs of our heart.  When this is accomplished, His glory can be seen in and upon us.  We become pure vessels for Him to dwell in.  We attune ourselves to His voice, His leading.  When we seek His presence, He ALWAYS shows up. 

Here’s the thing that never ceases to astound me.  God sees treasure in our dirty windows and broken vessels.  He pursues us, seeking us out, even when it means He has to tear down our curtains…literally and spiritually.  WE are His treasure, in any state we’re in.   Luke 12: 34-35 says that, “Where your treasure is your heart will be also.”  God’s heart is with US because WE are His treasure.  Where is your treasure?  Where is your heart?  Seriously examine yourself here.  I love Jesus, of course, but lately my treasure has been my schoolwork, my relationships, my sense of security.  That’s where my heart has been.  But I am God’s treasure, and He pulled my back into my only eternal treasure---my relationship with Him, my time in His presence, giving Him full authority and control over and in my life. 

He’s been putting Isaiah 46:4 on my heart all week as well:

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

I can’t handle control of my own life.  When I fuel myself, I run dry.  He is always faithful though, and He longs to carry us, to provide for us, to let His love be our fuel.  He is our sustainer, if only we would tear down the veils we put up. 

The art of surrender requires humility.  But it is only by surrender that we enter His presence and find peace, rest, and truth.  I pray that I am steadfast in finding my treasure in Him and His love.  I pray against being prideful and trying to protect my sense of security or identity.  I pray against being idol-making with worry, fear, and stress in attempting to live up to the expectations of others.  I pray that I would see God for all that He is in comparison to my feeble, limited perception of my life.  I pray that I would not “love my life to death”, but rather overcome, “by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of [my] testimony” (Rev. 12:11).    He is our life-Source. 

You are His treasure.  You have FULL access to permanently dwell in His presence.  The only separation from Him comes from the things we place between.  Do we grasp how PRECIOUS His presence is?  Before Jesus, only one priest could enter the Holy of Holies once a year.  ONCE.   It took much preparation.  But we can feel the Father’s sweet embrace, worship Him in the entirety of His presence, love Him wholly face to face---EVERY DAY.  EVERY SECOND.

“Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.” 

(Hebrews 10: 19-22)

Tear down the curtains.  Run with abandonment to the throne of the only One who is worthy of all your love and adoration.